At the beginning of this year, I made a commitment to write. For one year, I would write to see where my words would lead me. I have never been very good at seeing things through (just ask the previous three blogs I began, then unceremoniously quit). I was not confident this venture would end any differently.
This is one time when I am happy to have been proven wrong.
At the end of every year, I invariably find myself sitting with my sister on her front porch. We muse about where we think the coming year will take us. Upon looking back on this year, I can say this year has brought me peace.
Since marrying James 2 1/2 years ago, we have struggled with our identities. Rather, we have struggled with how our respective identities fit into our marriage. Death, job transitions, and moves have been a recurring theme in our relationship. Committing to a creative outlet over the past year has allowed me to reflect on where we have been. It is amazing how processing the past naturally leads to preparation for the future.
And by processing the past and feeling prepared for the future, I am confident about my present. Feeling confident about the present is necessary to letting go. Letting go of what we think. How weighted we are by preconceived notions of what we are supposed to be, to do, to believe. Holding on so tightly to these ideas prohibit us from experiencing possibility. And without possibility, there is no hope.
No hope. How sad.
This has been missing in our marriage and it is no wonder we have struggled. But everything we encounter in our lives serves a purpose. I believe the purpose of our struggle is that James and I have known lowness, so that our present and future can truly know delight.
A dear friend recently sent a poem to me, which is appropriate to where I find myself now. Is it not delicious the way the perfect companion pieces arrive at just that perfectly resplendent moment? I invite you to experience this poem below:
We have been telling the people that this is the Eleventh Hour
Now we must go back and tell the people this is the Hour.
And there are things to be considered:
Where are you living?
What are you doing?
Are you in right relation?
Where is your water?
Know your garden.
It is time to speak your truth.
Create your community.
Be good to each other.
And do not look outside yourself for the leader.
This could be a good time!
There is a river flowing now very fast
It is so great and swift that there are those who will
Be afraid.
They will try to hold on to the shore.
They will feel they are being torn apart and they will suffer greatly.
Know the river has its destination.
The Elders say we must let go of the shore, and push off and into the river, keep our eyes open, and our head above the water.
See who is in there with you and Celebrate.
At this time in history, we are to take nothing personally.
Least of all, ourselves.
For the moment that we do, our spiritual growth
And journey comes to a halt.
The time of the lone wolf is over.
Gather yourselves!
Banish the word “struggle” from your attitude and your vocabulary.
All that you do now must be done in a sacred manner
And in celebration.
“We are the ones we have been waiting for…”
The Elders, Hopi Nation, Oraibi, Arizona, quoted in Alice Walker, We are the Ones We Have Been Waiting For: Inner Light in a Time of Darkness, (2006) at 75–76.
